Talking To Your Partner About Female Sexual Dysfunction

Even the strongest, healthiest relationships can experience problems in the bedroom at some point. Female sexual dysfunction (FSD) is very common, and while it can stem from relationship issues, other factors may be involved. However, no matter what the cause, talking to your partner about your concerns is one of the first steps toward regaining a healthy sex life. Unfortunately, many women don’t know how to have a detailed sex conversation with their partner.

Admitting to Female Sex Problems

Admitting that a problem has come up, both to yourself and to your partner, can be difficult. You can dismiss female sexual problems as the result of too much stress, anxiety or exhaustion at the end of the day. The lack of a healthy sex life or an inability to achieve an orgasm, however, can hurt a couple in more ways than one.
 
Many women worry that bringing up female sex problems or a lack of female arousal will offend or upset their partner, and that it could be taken as a personal criticism. Some women may worry that their partners will think that they're no longer attractive or are bad lovers. Other women would prefer to suffer a mediocre or even uncomfortable sex life rather than bring up a conversation about a lack of female arousal.
 
However, talking honestly about your concerns could be the best thing the two of you do for your sex life. Your partner may be surprisingly open to trying new things or beginning couple’s counselling. Some men (and women) are reluctant to enter couples counselling, but it's a good bet that if your sex life isn't great right now, neither is his!

Find a Place

Find a good time to talk about the problem. Yes, you'll have to find the courage to bring up the topic some time. The next time he reaches for you seeking intimacy is not a good time to launch into a discussion of the female orgasm or sexual arousal.
 
Create an opportunity. Go for a long walk or a hike together. Sit on the beach. Go for a drive. Make sure no one else is around; a crowded café or bar isn't usually a good spot for discussing such a personal subject. Make sure you have plenty of time and privacy for your conversation, away from children or other distractions.

How to Talk About Sex With Your Mate

The first steps in beginning a productive conversation are to find a place that’s comfortable and ensure that you have plenty of time to talk. Before you begin your conversation, think about some important points you want to make. Consider:
  • What do you think is causing the problem? Does it have to do with your relationship, is it hormonal, or is it due to stress and anxiety?

  • Do you have any sexual needs that are being left unmet? How will you bring this up with your partner?

  • What can you do together to regain a healthy sex life? Do you want to try new things, go to couple’s counselling or ask your doctor for medication?

  • Consider opening up the conversation to your partner as well. Ask him how he feels about your sex life and how he would like to change or improve it.
If you're uncomfortable talking to your partner, a doctor, sex therapist or counsellor may be able to help you prepare for the conversation.

Your Partner’s Reaction

When it comes to a difficult topic like sexual dysfunction, you shouldn’t have to carry the entire conversation yourself. When your partner realizes how much courage it took for you to broach the subject, he will likely be glad to support your decision to do something about it. If he isn’t ready for couples counselling, he may be willing to accompany you to the doctor's to start the dialogue.

Resources

Family Doctor. (2008). Sexual dysfunction in women. Retrievd December 2, 2008, from the Family Doctor Web site: http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/women/reproductive/sex-dys/612.printerview.html.

Lover’s Lawn. (2008). Let’s talk about s-e-x. Retrieved December 2, 2008, from the Lover’s Lawn Web site: http://www.loverslawn.com/lets-talk-about-s-e-x/.